dongboss:

my crab gf: your arms are looking tiny, you shou-

me:

(via humorrelated)

• fbi agent: want to work for the fbi
• me: ok but can i work in the xfiles department
• fbi agent: there is no xfiles department
• me: i gotcha
• me: [winks]
• fbi agent:

fuckyahumor:

renpai:

my gf is german and she just forgot the word for slug so she asked me “how do you call snails without homes” 

(via confirmance)